the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
