imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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