Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
