so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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