we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
