dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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