I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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