fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
