First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
