I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
