Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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