i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
