Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
