Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
