So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
