I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
