Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
