Soap is not a condiment
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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