So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
