He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
