A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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