Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
