I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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