I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
