i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
