he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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