So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
