can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
