Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
