my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
