i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
