I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
