how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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