The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
