My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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