Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
