4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
