quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
