This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
