whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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