I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My feet surprised me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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