My underwear smells like fireworks.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You dont lie about slip and slides
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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