You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
