I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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