You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i've created a new STD.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
