You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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