he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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