I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
