just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
