when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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