She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
