It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
