last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
