You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
