Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
God, I missed his penis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
