the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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