I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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