this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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