I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
