Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
