similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
