i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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