In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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