Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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