How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
