i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
