and she was petting her beer can
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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