Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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