I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
