We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
