Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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