U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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