And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
