About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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