A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
