turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
